Saturday, October 1, 2011

I had a dream last night…

…That the boy I like and I were on a bicycle together. And in that weird dream-logic way, we were sharing the seat together, and I had one pedal and he had the other pedal. There was an enormous, steep hill before us, and I had the handlebars and we started to pedal up the hill.

It went really slowly, it was laborious and wobbly, but I didn’t mind. The boy I like looked bored though, and when we got to the top of the hill, he said “This is too slow, let me try.”

We looked down the hill together and it was a massive drop, longer and more dangerous than any roller coaster was. We wouldn’t be strapped in, there was no safety net, just a long straight road to the bottom of the hill where a vast city sprawled before us. I hesitantly let him take the handlebars, but as the bike slowly crested the hill, I panicked and said “No, no, I want off, let me off, I’m scared.”

But it was too late. The bike had already gone past the point of no return and I screamed and clung to the boy. I squeezed my eyes shut and my heart was pounding and I was so close to him I could tell that his was beating just as fast, but he calmly said “Trust me.”

The bike was no longer wobbly. With the overwhelming speed it had taken on, the wheels had straightened. But I knew at the speeds we were going, if we hit one rock, one bump, one wrong move, we would spin out of control and crash and tumble apart with broken bones and bleeding hearts. We might even die. And as it dawned on us both the risk at hand, I said again “I can’t do this, please let me off. I’m frightened.”

The bike slowed as we worked together to hit the breaks. We pushed the pedals backward, trying to stop the bike gradually so that it wouldn’t crash, but it quickly became apparent that there was no way to do it- the bike would not stop, and the only way off would be to ride it until the end.

This time, he wrapped an arm tightly around me. “I need your help,” he said, and even though I was terrified, I reached my trembling hand out and took one of the handle bars. I kept my eyes closed, aware of all the horrors that would occur if the bike crashed, but he saw the road before us and I let myself trust him.

We lifted the break together, and the bike not only regained its speed but careened down the hill faster than ever before. We moved so quickly it was like we had become energy, like we were forced together by the speed of light so much that we became one streak of color down the highway.

It was flight. I felt my breath calm, my heart beat strong, and I realized it was the same as his. I was still aware of the risks, but somehow it didn’t matter as much. I let them go, thrilled at the sensation of movement. I heard the sounds of the city engulf us. The woosh of buildings flying past, of cars stopped at crossroads to let us through, of pedestrians all around that we somehow missed.

I opened my eyes to find the city far more dense, more all-consuming than I had imagined at the top. With the close quarters it was far more likely we’d hit something, but our bike continued at its impossible speed and we moved through it all as if on the good fortune of wind. We had made it to the city, but we realized together the end was still far off, over the horizon. It would be a swift, dangerous ride ahead of us.

And nothing in the world could make us want to stop.

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